Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Randomize
