i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
