dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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