Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize