Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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