Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Randomize
