I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
