: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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