I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
