We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
two words: eviction party
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
