I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
