Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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