Just fell off a train. Bad.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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