I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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