he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
