Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
