Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
