She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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