I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
