If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize