3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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