For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You ruined the universe
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
