I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
