I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
