90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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