i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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