Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize