You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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