You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize