Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i would punch a child for taco bell
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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