I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
