I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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