your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
