The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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