Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
