He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
