Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
