Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
