My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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