Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
