I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
