i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Randomize
