Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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