you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
