Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
