Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
