I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize