ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
