She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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