you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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