I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
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