you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
