No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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