I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
