If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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