Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize