put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize