Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Randomize
