just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
