I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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