I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
