it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
