Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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