You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just found puke in my bra..
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
